“There’s got to be good guys and there’s got to be bad guys. That’s what people pay for. To see the bad guys get beat.” Sonny Liston, World Heavyweight Champion and Noted Bad Guy
“The more difficult the task, the sweeter the victory.” Commander William T. Riker, – Star Trek, the Next Generation, Noted Good Guy
In her recent book, Super-Better, Jane McGonigal considers the notion that life’s challenges can be vanquished by turning them into a video game with these seven steps:
1. Challenge yourself.
2. Collect and activate power-ups.
3. Find and battle the bad guys.
4. Seek out and complete quests.
5. Recruit your allies.
6. Adopt a secret identity.
7. Go for an epic win.
After half a lifetime associated with the California Bar Exam, it feels odd to consider it the work of a set of diabolical bad guys. That said though, when I imagine a faceless bureaucracy holding the admission ticket to my livelihood just out of my reach, and forcing me to spend both time and treasure to run a three-or-more-day gauntlet, perhaps more than once, to collect that ticket, it’s easy enough to call up a long list of villains. Think Norman Bates, Hannibal Lechter, even Darth Vader, and you’ll get the picture.
If you’re just a regular old law student how do you beat these guys?
To answer this question, I did what most people do: I started Googling. The Art of Beating Up Bad Guys – An Underdog’s Guide to Surviving Bullies, Jerks and D-Bags is where I landed, and I’m glad I did. Although its suggestions, directed mostly at middle-schoolers, need some translation into “Bar Applicant,” they’re worth taking into your bar study along with your laptop and the receipt from your Bar Prep course. Consider these choice words of advice, along with my translations:
1. “In the … jungle you can never let down your guard. And if you think you’re safe … I see an a..-whipping in your future.”
Translation: Unless you want to end up on the pavement with your glasses broken, you have to be alert, and know what you’re up against. The California Bar Exam isn’t notorious for nothing. So get serious, learn as much as you can about the Exam, and get to work preparing; the sooner the better!
2. “Every successful mission starts with correct and accurate intelligence. … All [the best intelligence sources] need to be is close to the action and capable of observation.”
Translation: Some 3L’s I’ve spoken to this semester don’t even know yet what’s on the Exam or how it’s organized and presented. That’s like not worrying about Darth Vader standing behind you, even when the foreboding music is getting louder and everyone around you can hear his heavy breathing. If you haven’t been to the State Bar Office of Admissions website yet, pull it up and take a long look. It’s “the horse’s mouth” concerning the Bar Exam, the MPRE, your Moral Character application, the whole deal.
3. “If you want to survive a trip to the Middle School slop line without having a plate of spaghetti flung in your face remember, always bring back-up to the lunch line.”
Translation: Find a study partner or, even better, a study group. Let your loved ones know what’s on the horizon and how they can help you. People will step up for you. You’d do the same for them – right?
4. “Be the Wolf. … To survive you must look formidable.”
Translation: Start carrying a book of practice Multistate Bar Exam questions around with you to let people know you mean business. You can check one out in the Office of Academic and Bar Success Resource Room. You can buy an old one on Craigslist and have it even before your Bar Prep course starts. And, while you’re carrying it around, how about doing ten of the questions in that book every day? That way you won’t only look formidable. You’ll be formidable.
5. “If you saw an old lady getting mauled by an eight-foot Grizzly Bear, you’d want to help – right? Of course, but does it make sense to run up and get your face torn off? Or would it be wiser to lob a flash-bang grenade and swoop in with the Air Cav blasting Ride of the Valkeries? Duh …”
Translation: Take advantage of all the help around you. Enroll in ALW: The Bar in the Spring. Check out the Law School’s BRICS website. Set up an appointment with a counseling professor at the Office of Academic and Bar Success. We’re the flash-bang grenade and the Air Cav of Bar Preparation.
http://artofbeatingupbadguys.com/
